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Tag Archives: success

Yes, I am doing it. I unknowingly am encouraging my wife to be a drunkard.

She is on the floor now. In a deep sleep, unknown to her that her beloved husband and her so called love is turning in to nothing but a failure. Giving her false promises and making her think that I will become someone who will maker proud and why she has chose me into her life and always thought that attaining me and My Love to be Her Destiny. I am shattering her dream. Unknown and innocent she looks when she has her eyes closed. I pity Myself and I am sad for her. I am a disgusting weed that she has made her life saving log to clung when she is neck deep in trouble. Oh! what would I do!

I wanna tell Her that she has to realize how much I have failed her. I have stabbed right through Her heart to attain Her. I am so slowly poisoning Her mind and am elevating her hopes on Me. Every night she wants Me to become someone she can hold her head high. I donno whether I am using the right words to extinguish my anguish. I know I am not, but in this hurry and moving forward in such an angst, I donno whether I am, or I do not care whether I am able to express my angst on this blog or not. I don’t care. I don’t mind myself being dead by tomorrow morning. But, I want Her to be safe and sound. I know the pains that she has gne thru to get me into her life. I care for her a lot. I love her a lot. I feel sad for myself over why I have dragged her down into this kind of situation.

I am drinking a strong dose of Vodka now. Lightly mixed with a strong soda.Hmmm,such a funny combination. I Love you, My Wife. I care for you a lot. I am making myself obscure over here in letting someone know that I am trying a lot to get my world onto the right tracks. Is it true? I don’t think so. I know I have to move fast. I realize that I have to take a step so soon that this would not provide me with a chance to look back. Would I be able to do that? would I be able to bring hope into my life?

I do not think so.

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Am I a failure?

The only probable answer that I can get when I ask this question is, YES. I consider myself as a failure, as a whole. I have let people down. I have let my soul down. I am nowhere where I consider the position where I stand now. I have no one to lend a helping hand. I have my beloved spouse. But, she too considers me to be a failure. I am unknowingly surmising to this very thing which is so called as concavity towards myself. I have tried hard to let myself out of this. But, the very options that I have aren’t permitting me to do so.

I would like the world to know why I consider myself to be so miserable and pathetic. I had every chance to be on top of the world. I do not say that I am an arrogant, unwise, unintelligent, foolish and many more adverbs to demoralise my charecteristics. I had been a trend setter when I was studying. People followed me as a cult. My fellow students wished to be like me. So intelligent, so loving, so caring, so helpful and in every way admired by one and all.

But, I donno why I let myself to be in a failure’s shoes. I would like if one can answer my questions as I end up a chapter over whats going on and what had gone until now. I am The One to be solved. I am in search of that Solution.