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Yes, I am doing it. I unknowingly am encouraging my wife to be a drunkard.

She is on the floor now. In a deep sleep, unknown to her that her beloved husband and her so called love is turning in to nothing but a failure. Giving her false promises and making her think that I will become someone who will maker proud and why she has chose me into her life and always thought that attaining me and My Love to be Her Destiny. I am shattering her dream. Unknown and innocent she looks when she has her eyes closed. I pity Myself and I am sad for her. I am a disgusting weed that she has made her life saving log to clung when she is neck deep in trouble. Oh! what would I do!

I wanna tell Her that she has to realize how much I have failed her. I have stabbed right through Her heart to attain Her. I am so slowly poisoning Her mind and am elevating her hopes on Me. Every night she wants Me to become someone she can hold her head high. I donno whether I am using the right words to extinguish my anguish. I know I am not, but in this hurry and moving forward in such an angst, I donno whether I am, or I do not care whether I am able to express my angst on this blog or not. I don’t care. I don’t mind myself being dead by tomorrow morning. But, I want Her to be safe and sound. I know the pains that she has gne thru to get me into her life. I care for her a lot. I love her a lot. I feel sad for myself over why I have dragged her down into this kind of situation.

I am drinking a strong dose of Vodka now. Lightly mixed with a strong soda.Hmmm,such a funny combination. I Love you, My Wife. I care for you a lot. I am making myself obscure over here in letting someone know that I am trying a lot to get my world onto the right tracks. Is it true? I don’t think so. I know I have to move fast. I realize that I have to take a step so soon that this would not provide me with a chance to look back. Would I be able to do that? would I be able to bring hope into my life?

I do not think so.